Wednesday, 24 February 2016



Today I made a golden rule- if I read 25 pages of a book and yet the book fails to teach me one thing that rings true with my mind, I will keep the book down and move to the next one.

With my reading speed (50 books a year), I might just be able to read 2000 more books in my lifetime, considering I live for another 40 years. I can’t read the books only because someone was ruminating on pages or someone didn’t have better use of his/her time and therefore s/he filled pages. 

Writing is a serious craft. I take it damn seriously. And I like to read people who take it equally seriously. I have nothing against reading the writers who find writing EASY because they have REACHED there. But they are few, much lesser than what we can imagine. Some writers are born with a Golden Pen and without much training they are THERE. They simply are THERE. There are other writers who work for years to hone their craft and finally find the VOICE that is plain and simple—AWESOME!

Any given time, there might be 10% writers in human population who are of that league. So, definitely there are 90% writers out there making legitimate living writing something, which is hardly good. They write because writing pays their bills. Which is great! It must pay the bills. But I am not going to read something only because the writing paid that writer’s bill. If a person falls in that category the person must work double, triple, or four times harder than the TALENTED writer to impress me. If s/he is not TALENTED (NATURALLY TALENTED—BORN WITH A GOLDEN PEN) and not HARDWORKING, why exactly should I read this writer?

I will read something because the person who wrote twisted his/her guts to write it. S/he shivered with passion. S/he screamed in anguish. S/he cried real tears.
I have to know that someone has burned his/her mental fuel to reach to the pages, which I am reading. Else, I am not interested!

If you want to learn how to write a novel, you can follow Kirtida's week by week program called Method Writing. 

Kirtida Gautam is a clinical psychologist and an author. Follow her on Twitter @KirtidaGautam 

Monday, 22 February 2016

5 Parenting tips for raising emotionally secure and healthy child

A key to leading a happy and stable life goes beyond financial independence; it also requires you to be emotionally competent and strong. Emotional independence is significant to boost self-confidence, to have less reliance on others, to reduce stress and promote happiness, to broaden your horizons and is essential for personal improvement and creativity.

Here are 5 tips on raising your child to be emotionally healthy:
   1. Never disregard your child’s emotions: be it a positive emotion or a negative.

e.g. “boys don’t cry”, “Strong boys/girls don’t feel scared”, “You are not supposed to get angry at your parents”.

Try to understand why they feel what they feel and explain them pros and cons of their actions, instead of disregarding their emotions. Tell them what can happen if they get too angry or keep crying or shouting, rather them telling them not to do so. Children love reasoning. If you can give them a solid reason for not doing something, they probably won’t do it. But if you want them to comply just because you are their parents, be ready for noncompliance.

It will make them acknowledge their own emotions and take responsibility for their actions.

   2. Show them your true emotions: this is as important as the above one.

Don’t try to be God in front of your child. Don’t misguide them by playing a superhuman to them. For a long time, they will believe it. They will think that being sad, angry or scared are the signs of weakness. They shouldn’t exhibit them because their parents also don’t display them. Again I am not advocating losing the family decorum and fighting like cats and dogs in front of your child. But do the right thing. Show them your human side and teach them how to deal with issues, rather than hiding them.

They will learn to control their emotions and deal with difficult situations.

   3. Give them power:

It’s a duty of the parents to discipline their children. But at times, you also need to empower them to stand their ground. If they don’t want to do something, ask yourself how important it is for you to actually make them do it. Choose your battle. Don’t force them to comply with all your demands. At times hear their argument for not doing something and let them win. If it is vital, then show the authority and make them comply. 

It will make your children stand for themselves, which will increase self-value and self-esteem in them.

  4. Don’t over protect:

Let them fall, but also, let them know that they have your back. Let them make mistakes and then teach them how to overcome. Prevention is not always better than cure.

They’ll learn to face their fears and will improve on their decision-making skills.

  5. Cultivate the habit of reading in your child: I will put this above all.

The way a highly paid jobs give you financial independence, reading makes you emotionally independent.

If you have a choice of cultivating one habit in your child, make them a reader. A person with a book never needs others just to kill the time. They have a book to give them company in their alone time.

By making your child a voracious reader, you are opening a huge platform for them to learn and expand their knowledge; also, you are giving them a hobby of a lifetime which doesn’t require anyone else to participate in and thus making them emotionally less dependent on others for happiness and peace of mind. 

                     How to fix the angry mother inside you

I am a freelancer into social media marketing, creating a platform for new authors and promoting their books, also enjoy blogging.

follow me on Twitter: @payaldesai83 &

Facebook: Payal.Desai.Chopra

Monday, 15 February 2016

Cultivating emotional independence in children

Isn’t emotional independence equally important as financial independence?

What makes you an independent human being, financial control or emotional stability?


As a parent, most of us want to give the best of education to our children. But let’s keep one hand on our hearts and ask why. Is it because we want our child to be intellectually stimulated and learn the things he/she wants? Partly yes, but most of all we want our child to complete and get scores that secure them stable jobs and careers. There is no harm in wanting this. I am a believer of financial independence. Financial independence is not only about money. It gives you a sense of self-responsibility, self-control and also contributes in stirring self-esteem. But does it only take your earning capability to make you truly independent? Honestly, No. As humans, we are bounded by many other faculties of our psyche. We are emotionally dependent on other human being around us, be it our parents, spouse, friends or children. And that dependency leaves us vulnerable for others to take advantage of us.

If we spend a fortune in making our child financially independent, why it doesn’t strike us that we also need to put efforts in making our child emotionally strong and independent, in order to protect them. I am not asking about making them emotionally cold. We want our child to experience a full range of emotions like love, gratitude, bonding, fear, loss, and pain.

But do you want them to be dependent on others for dealing with these basic emotions?

Do you want your children to be with someone just because they are scared of being alone?

Or want them to be vulnerable to exploitation because they aren’t able to stand for themselves?

If the answer to the above questions is No, then isn’t it time to think what can we do as parents to make our child emotionally strong and healthy?

One mistake we make as a society is driving all our efforts in motivating our next generation to just focus on building their careers and undervaluing the emotional faculties that require an equal amount of care and grooming. We suppress any emotions that we think might get in the way of success for them. And by doing so either we raise our children to be dispassionate and impersonal or emotionally dependent and passive.
In order to raise an emotionally healthy child, we need to educate ourselves in understanding the function of professional competence as well as emotions in human lives, the balance between thinking and feeling. We need to observe, accept and acknowledge the emotional stages our child undergoes without labeling it right or wrong.
If you want them to overcome their fear, let them recognize it and face it. If you want them to rise, let them fall. Let them be sad, angry, ecstatic, courageous, and above all, let them be who they are.

I am a freelancer into social media marketing, creating a platform for new authors and promoting their books, also enjoy blogging.

follow me on Twitter: @payaldesai83 &

Facebook: Payal.Desai.Chopra